This is my mom, Joy, and today is her birthday. She would have been 72 today. Isn't she beautiful? I have always thought so. I wasn't blessed with her dimples but wished I were. She died from pancreatic cancer 4 1/2 years ago.
Losing a mother is complicated for a daughter and I am her only one. You never realize how much of you is wrapped up in her until she is gone. I have always considered myself quite independent but losing her brought me to my knees. Still does. My life is joyful but also tinged with a bittersweet taste for the fact of not being shared with her.
I continue to try to be a woman she would be proud of but sometimes feel so much less without her - continuing the journey at a slower pace - lame, limping.
I am sure as my life continues to move forward my stride will lengthen and strengthen; I am also sure that every so often I will again be brought to my knees - scraped and bloody - wishing I had a mother to soften the blows.
As I tend toward the dramatic and today is a good day for it, here is a quote I found soon after her passing. It suited my mood then and today (but only today):
"With my mother's death, all settled happiness, all that was tranquil and reliable, disappeared from my life. There was to be much fun, many pleasures, many stabs of Joy; but no more of the old security. It was sea and islands now; the great continent had sunk like Atlantis."
CS Lewis, The Joyful Christian
Apparently, CS Lewis and I enjoy rolling around in the muck of our grief. Thanks for getting yourselves a little mucky with me.<grin>
