This blog is dedicated to Joy Kennedy Perry, my mom. If she were still alive these are the details of my life that I would want to share with her. Thanks for reading!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Birth of Joy...

This is my mom, Joy, and today is her birthday.  She would have been 72 today.  Isn't she beautiful?  I have always thought so.  I wasn't blessed with her dimples but wished I were.  She died from pancreatic cancer 4 1/2 years ago. 

Losing a mother is complicated for a daughter and I am her only one.  You never realize how much of you is wrapped up in her until she is gone.  I have always considered myself quite independent but losing her brought me to my knees.  Still does.  My life is joyful but also tinged with a bittersweet taste for the fact of  not being shared with her. 

I continue to try to be a woman she would be proud of but sometimes feel so much less without her - continuing the journey at a slower pace - lame, limping.

I am sure as my life continues to move forward my stride will lengthen and strengthen;  I am also sure that every so often I will again be brought to my knees - scraped and bloody - wishing I had a mother to soften the blows.
As I tend toward the dramatic and today is a good day for it, here is a quote I found soon after her passing. It suited my mood then and today (but only today):

"With my mother's death, all settled happiness, all that was tranquil and reliable, disappeared from my life.  There was to be much fun, many pleasures, many stabs of Joy;  but no more of the old security.  It was sea and islands now;  the great continent had sunk like Atlantis."
CS Lewis, The Joyful Christian

Apparently, CS Lewis and I enjoy rolling around in the muck of our grief.  Thanks for getting yourselves a little mucky with me.<grin>